My season of giving lasts all year

December is all about giving. But there are needs all year. I'll never forget a quote from a friend's father, "Christmas lasts all year if you let it."

I made a 2014 New Year's resolution to do a giving act every week of the year. I posted these on Facebook every Monday. Honestly, they were very minor. But I did it. Did not miss a week.

After mulling whether to make this public after my brother-in-law asked why I wanted to post them, I decided that "this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" and hope that others would follow suit. Not for a pat on the back. It forced me to do it by posting.

Throughout the year, quotes about giving spoke to me. Here are some:

No one has ever become poor by giving. Anne Frank

If everyone gives a thread, the poor man will have a shirt. Russian proverb

The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions. Confucius

Back where I come from, there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila… er, phila… er, yes, er, Good Deed Doers. The Wizard of Oz

It's a scientific fact that gratitude reciprocates. Matthew Oscar

You only have what you give. It's by spending yourself that you become rich. Isabel Allende

I'm a human doing, not a human being. Dolphus Weary

I loved this saying: Fit me for your holy work.

Everyone should read the full text of the commencement speech of Naval Adm. William H. McRaven given at the University of Texas. “What starts here changes the world,” he said, adding that if everyone changed the lives of just ten people—and each one of those folks changed the lives of another ten people, then in five generations—125 years—the Class of 2014 will have changed the lives of 800 million people. Go one more generation and you can change the entire population of the world—8 billion people.

Sermons spoke to me. Jesus moved toward the sick and suffering, dying and those with limitations, the outcast and scorned, said Father Karl Daigle. Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve. 

In Latin Mass, the final words emphasized our Christian call to “mission.”

I love a sign at a local church that says "Our worship is over, but the service has only just begun."

I read Hebrews 10:24 and Matthew 25:40. A friend said Matthew 5 can influence the world for good.

I studied the panhandling story in the Minneapolis newspaper when I was visiting there. There is a website, www.giverealchange.org, that has tips on how to deal with aggressive solicitation. Minneapolis has a campaign for people to stop giving, instead writing a check to a nonprofit, which is dedicated to such long-term solutions as housing subsidies, job training (many panhandlers have just gotten out of prison) and mental health programs. Most aren't aggressive, but embarrassed and hungry. One said he makes around $35 a day. Items that help are granola bars, oranges and apples. If you step on the gas to avert these people, the problem disappears in the rearview mirror. This was food for thought.

I read "Love, Skip, Jump."  The result of God's love for us was that He gave, author Shelene Bryan says. She shares an exercise where the reader fills in the blanks. Shelene so loved ? that she gave the money she would have spent at Starbucks to pay for  _______. For Deb so loved her friend that she gave every Friday morning to study the bible with her. For Candace so loved her community that she gave of her time to serve as a guest chef at a homeless shelter. Write your own five statements. For ______ so loved _______ that he/she gave ________.

I was shocked, as was she, that 2.6 billion people lack basic sanitation. Forty-three percent of the people on the planet do not have indoor plumbing. Eighteen percent of the world population does not have access to an improved water source. Only 12 percent of the world population has a computer and only eight percent have Internet connections. According to the Miniature Earth Project, if you slept in a bed last night, keep your food in a refrigerator and keep your clothes in a closet, then you are richer than 75 percent of the entire world population. The majority of the world lives on $2 a day. Yet some of us walk around saying we are broke.

As Bryan suggested, I made a G-love bag (fits in your Glove box), therefore, the name. In it I put socks, a poncho, lip balm, water and a mini first aid kit. I'm supposed to give it to a homeless person, but I have not seen one. A poignant story demonstrates that homeless people don't get mail. Smile when you do, whether it is a bill or junk.

She says some of us are missing heaven by 18 inches, the distance between our heads and our hearts. Bryan states that we make a loan to God by showing kindness to the poor. We can rest assured that He will repay us in ways that count for eternity.

You'd think someone with ALS might be seeking assistance, but this gentleman featured on Steve Hartman's segment on CBS discussed Big Ideas for the Greater Good.  The BIGG Challenge is a first of its kind effort to help make sure the most creative ideas not only happen but are also celebrated and shared. Kids took homeless women to dinner, for example. GiveBackFilms on youtube shows free car repairs for the adoptive parents of two special needs daughters, $100 bills to homeless people and paying for someone's gas.  They hope the videos start a movement and feature one young person saying, "I want to make enough money to give back."

Northwestern State University partnered with the 1 of 7 concept. The Washington D.C. nonprofit organization was founded by NSU alumnus Kip Patrick. It encourages people to do one service activity each week and make it a lifestyle choice. Patrick says he and his wife founded 1 of 7 after they took a trip around the world, visited more than 70 countries and did service projects most every place they went. He said anybody can help others. 

Jon Bon Jovi, a somebody, uses his brand to benefit others, not himself. He doesn't sit in front of the mirror and think, "Aren't I wonderful?" he says. He often speaks about the Power of We and it takes the power of One to move the We and he is that One.

I heard J.C. on the Kidd Kraddock show say he was behind someone who couldn't afford something and he said, "Oh. Look. You dropped $100." The $100 being his own. I heard something on KLOVE wanting to "give until I feel it or notice it."

A University of Louisiana at Lafayette graduate buys signs from homeless people and creates art. That's a win/win. 

A group of ladies anonymously donate cake and ice cream to a home for troubled boys for their birthdays.

Arianna Huffington, like her or not, said the metrics of success are health, wisdom, wonder and giving.

I'd like to end with a poem from Adelaide Proctor. It's not the thing you do, dear, it's the thing you leave undone, that gives you the bitter heartache, at the setting of the sun.  The tender word unspoken, the letter you did not write, the flower you might have sent, dear, are your haunting ghosts at night. The stone you might have lifted out of your brother's way, the bit of heartfelt counsel you were hurried too much to say. The loving touch of the hand, dear, the gentle and winsome tone, that you had not time or thought for, with troubles enough of your own. These little acts of kindness, so easily out of mind, these chances to be angels, which even mortals find.

Still on the list that I didn't get to do: toiletries for the Rescue Mission, something for Shriner's Hospital, flowers to an anonymous person, pick up litter, Joy Fund, Operation Bright Holiday for an airman, books for children, quarters at a laundromat, snacks for delivery people, smile at the first five people I see somewhere and write a letter to someone's manager.

Your turn! I don't think you'll lack for ideas, but just in case, there is an app called RIPIL that will give you deeds, quests and competition.  Here's my list, minor as it is, which included 12 medical-related issues, 10 random acts, six religious events, five environmental, four  veteran and clothing (tied), three educational, two friend causes, two law enforcement and one each for homeless, adoption, military and food.

1 Coats for Kids

2 Military donations for Operation Support Our Troops

3 Men's shirts to Salvation Army

4 National Geographic magazines to Fuller Housing

5 Books for Centenary College

6 Valentines to veterans

7 Masses said

8 Wrote a seminarian

9 Proof a book for a friend

10 Extra tips

11 Prayed for 54 random people I know

12 Eye Glasses for Lions Club

13 Police magnet bought to honor slain cop

14 Donated gift certificate to a friend

15 Salvation Army clean up day

16 Shredded items brought in for Earth Day

17 Old pills brought to DEA

18 Cash for schools box tops turned in

19 Postal food drive

20 Garbage men gift

21 St. Jude ticket bought

22 Donations for transitional veterans home brought to church

23 Prayer texts sent to friends

24 Blue bunny.com/wish for sick children and they donate $1 to Make A Wish

25 G(love) box kept in car for homeless person

26 Fibsorfacts.com quiz $1 to National Stroke Association

27 Liking Dreyer's on Facebook shared $5 to Operation Smile

28 Left cash in bible at hotel

29 Returned gobs of plastic bags to grocery

30 Club foot donation

31 tie bought Gatorade at Brookshire's for firefighters

31 tie sent card to Danny Nickerson in Massachusetts

33 Left coins in Coke machine

34 Paid for someone behind me at Starbucks

35 Made game for shoebox with Altoids

36 Lotto tickets for random people

37 Several phone books recycled

38 Susan Komen donation for friend

39 Bought raffle ticket to support Alzheimer's research

40 Comfort Kit for hospitalized children. They get a stuffed star, bracelet, stickers, stress ball, crayons, prayer card and personalized nametag.

41 Donated a Thomas bible for Nepal

42 Donated at Wendy's for adoption

43 Donated to Emily Anthony's classroom

44 Thanked veterans with correspondence

45 Sent postcard to blind boy who was collecting

46 Operation Christmas Child

47 Donated blankets in honor of the med school resident and wife killed in the car wreck 10 years ago

48 Small-change-project

49 Praying for confirmation candidate

50 Coats for Bless the Gym

51 Dress for Susan's Closet

52 Wheelchair Foundation donation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grief tramples holiday timetables

It's almost impossible to ignore the holidays. They start earlier each year. In order for you to cope after losing a loved one, it’s very important to shift your focus on how your deceased loved ones lived, not how they died, on your blessings, happy times and positive goals. Can you deliberately change your sad thoughts?

When Fred Goldman was asked how his life has changed 20 years after the murder of his son Ron, along with Nicole Brown Simpson, Goldman said he has learned how to adjust, to change, but not change.

The parents of the couple killed in a car wreck 10 years ago were quoted in the newspaper as saying, "You can become bitter or you can step back and allow God to rescue you." They live with an eternal perspective and are more compassionate and aware of the pain of others. Do things that really matter, they said.

Coach Jimmy Johnson said he opened up some emotions when his mother died that he'd kept guarded. He said he knows himself better. Her death has mellowed him and put his priorities in perspective.

The gentleman who dines with the picture of his deceased wife reminds us that people are like candles. "At any moment, a breeze can blow it out, so enjoy the light while you have it."

As America's Most Wanted host John Walsh, who lost his son, Adam, said, "If his song is to continue, then we must do the singing."  You can help redeem your loved one's death by using it to help others like Walsh did.

Joel Osteen decided one day not to recall his father's death every time he went to his mother's house. "I'm not reliving that night. I'm not feeling those sad and depressing emotions," he said. Osteen chose to change the channel and started remembering fun times together.

Meanwhile, sad times can occur for those grieving at awkward encounters at the grocery store or glancing at a rerun that reminds you of a cozy winter afternoon.

You have the choice to gaze into the fireplace, let breezes ruffle your hair, let music find a path to your heart, feel a stream tickle your toes, walk an old path or to find a place to scream or an imaginary room in which to stuff your fears.

Think of your emotions as bubbles in a glass, the beverage being your emotional body, suggests Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors magazine. As you experience a feeling, it floats up through your body. When it reaches the surface, it pops and evaporates into the air. If you put a lid on it, you are blocking negative emotions, you'll have a buildup and it will block joy and peace. Another TAPS article said that in popsicle language, you thaw at your own rate.

Holiday choices may include modifying your decorations, opening gifts on the usual day or another time, changing the usual dinner location, going out of town or writing in a journal your hopes for the new year.

You can decide to keep the clothing that smells like your loved one or give it away. It's up to you to decide what is essential for a connection. Should the clothing be made into a quilt? Should you wear his red T-shirt every Friday to support the troops?

Maybe you are keeping something secret. A little girl with a special Teddy bear, a dad with his son's small treasure in a drawer, a widow wearing her husband's bathrobe. No one thinks anything of keeping yearbooks, their preserved wedding dress or first corsage, pair of baby shoes or top of the cake.  It's OK.

Here are some celebrity examples of coping with grief:

Kidd Craddick's daughter drank her father's favorite wine on his death anniversary.

Roma Downey will imagine her mother sitting in a corner, lovingly reassuring her like she did when she was in ballet lessons.

Melissa Rivers said her mother would want us all to return to laughing soon.

Olympic hockey player Lyndsey Fry carried a deceased team member's jersey with a note. "I made it, Liz, to the gold medal game. And you're here with me in spirit. It reminds me every day how hard I've worked and how much her memory has been there with me."

A Utah lady who lost her husband in a mall shooting that severely injured her son was determined to get her family's life back. She told her kids, "We were happy before, and we are going to be happy again." She decided to help others with an effort called Circle The Wagons. They have made 1,000 kits to send to others who have been affected by violent crimes that include a Can of Comfort filled with tips (96-hour survival guide), crucial phone numbers and a key--one side labeled strength and the other hope. Spending hours thinking about yourself isn't productive, she said, letting grief hold you up. Surge forward.

The mother of an LSU student killed in a car wreck said her mind worked 24/7. "You think of something you should have done, could have done, why couldn’t this have happened. It’s just non-stop.”

A young man who lost his grandfather said he regretted not spending enough time to know about his childhood, what drove him, all the things that he went through before he was a grey-haired man.  He said the grandfather had the privilege of knowing him so well, but he didn't know those things about his grandfather. Learn about each other now.

Another son said what he missed about his dad was probably the things the dad would miss, too. Like seeing graduations, jobs, birthdays. I still write to him on March 19, every year, this young man said.

A 7-year-old gave a eulogy and sang it the day of her grandfather's funeral. "I'm giving God the whole day and I'm not going to stop." she said. Oh, to have her attitude.

In a Reader's Digest "Words of Lasting Interest" column, the author writes, "Always go to the funeral." Her father taught her that as a child. She recalls the  3 p.m. funeral of her father and the "inconvenienced" crowd there for her.

The friend who says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away is the way author Barbara Kingsolver puts it.

Those grieving return to work and make it through the day because it has less memories of everything they have loved and lost. Being home is harder. Grief is profoundly lonely and each small gesture connects the person grieving to humanity. I read about a person who sent her friend who had a loss a card every two weeks for the first year. Another friend has texted every Thursday at 6 p.m. for three years a simple "Love you."

A doctor who wrote about his wife dying of cancer speaks of having plenty of people to do things with, but nobody to do nothing with.  Help those in grief delight in something beautiful to notice.  Cherish these things that are the "stuff" of life, says a story about Lisa Beamer's teacher on the death of her spouse.

I am a member of a daily list serve. One of the writers made grief cards with daily prompts on them and sent them to all family members after a relative's death.  Things like "tell your children a story about your loved one today" or "release a balloon in your loved one's honor." Plan a ritual activity--a church service, hike, kites flown in memory, hymns sung, a special dinner, volunteer effort or a commemoration of the deceased person's hobby or passion.

You CAN do something to help people grieving become flourishing and thriving once again rather than the disorganized, distracted, distraught, distressed, disoriented person they likely are.