Dear Jacob

 

I will never forget this line. Ever. Jacob Wetterling, 11, said to his mother. “Sorry I was so crabby today. Do you want to play a game?” She said she could not. Laundry, meals, dance, hockey, basketball, friends, sleepovers. The next day, he was kidnapped in St. Joseph, Minn., in front of his brother and best friend, Aaron. It was 1989. How horrible she didn’t spend some last minutes with him even though she didn’t know how long this would play out—2016.

 

I first saw this on “20/20.” The “Dear Jacob” book came out days later, so well-written. The family story is years long and this is a long read, but worth every second. No case of all I Datelines, etc., watched since 2014 has affected me more. It’s just easier to write it up chronologically.

 

The law asked the boys where the man took Jacob, and about the vehicle, headlights, his size, voice, clothing, smells, mask, gun, which hand he held it in, whether they were playing with a gun and it went off and they were afraid to say. The parents were eating with friends and Jacob asked his dad if they could bike ride to the video store. He allowed it as it was not far. The parents were asked if anyone liked him “too much?” Offered to buy him things? Had enemies? Did the father have disgruntled employees?

 

Mom Patty was born in 1949. Her father’s car was struck by a train. He slowly recovered, but had complications from Type 1 diabetes. She was diagnosed at 33. He died at 36. Their church family supported the siblings and her mother. Her mother fell in love again in about a year with a pharmacist. She got pregnant rather quickly.

 

Patty was a math major and once taught on a ship. She’d been a soccer coach, PTA president, enterainment director for an art festival, insurance processor at her husband’s chiropractic business and landlord. She had a minor in psychology and dreamed about becoming a guidance counselor.

 

After Jacob went missing, the normal daily living felt like a betrayal.

 

There were traditional flyers and buttons. “Listen” was Jacob’s favorite song. Radio stations played it at 7 a.m. Friday mornings. Singer Red Grammer visited schools in St. Joseph to perform impromptu concerts. The governor, FBI, National Guard, national media, military personnel, dogs, horseback posse, ham radio operators and small aircraft flying clubs stepped in. A $100,000 reward was posted and there was a toll-free hotline.  People would say dad Jerry was too calm, didn’t cry, didn’t look terrified or angry. There was a never-ending parade of psychics. Phone entries to their home averaged one every five minutes. One day there was one from the Oakland A’s catcher representative. He was going to wear a J on his World Series helmet. Terry Steinback was a native of Minnesota. The father of missing Kevin Collins from San Francisco had a mailing list of places where missing kids are commonly found. Truck stops, hospitals and social service agencies. He coordinated volunteers to help with mass mailings to keep Kevin in the media. Kevin was on milk cartons. They were hoping to attract people to stamp, address and stuff and sort 35,000 flyers. They had hoped for 100 and 1,000 showed up, some with their own stamps. Kevin’s foundatioln had statistics about stranger abduction, prevention advice, tips for recognizing an abducted child and information on how to help.

 

Patty found out Aaron was groped by the man. She wanted the truth, not deception. She had to survive the moment-to-moment-ness of her new reality. She would talk to Jacob to let him know how hard they were working. It calmed her down. Her letters to him started being published in the newspaper. Does the abductor buy gas around here? Live alone? Does he make smart-aleck comments at home or work?

 

Neighbors brought flowers, food, Kleenex, toilet paper and cards. They were magical when they first arrived. The mail! She tore them open for ransom notes. Some had money. They had a map of where their flyers were going in the state. Getting up was an accomplishment for Patty. Normal things were impossible. She could smell Jacob’s sweaty hair. A shower was a luxury she thought she did not deserve. But she did it because how could she expect Jacob to stay strong if she didn’t.

 

Brother Trevor was scared to go into the bedroom. How could you crime-scene-ize your child’s bedroom?

 

Husband Jerry was president of the Chamber of Commerce and the NAACP. He was an active member of the Baha’i Faith. They had marriage counseling when he was concerned about her friendship with one of his Baha’i friends and she was concerned about his tendency to constantly reach out to people he perceived to be in need. He had been raised Lutheran and she in a congregational church. They compromised and went to an Episcopal one. Both had been math teachers. Baha’i believe that God periodically sends divine messages to encorage moral and spiritual development throughout mankind. They believe Moses, Jesus and Muhammad and most recently Baha’u’llah are some of the messengers of God who reveal spiritual guidance to humanity. They strive for world peace and advocate for racial unity, gender equality, universal education and harmony of science and religion. Patty attended open Baha’i gatherings with Jerry, but every 19 days where they celebrated Feast, non Baha’i were not allowed to attend. Jerry gave up drinking because it was forbidden and they did not go to bars. Some wondered if Jerry was gay. He was analytical. He would ask her why are you asking? When do you need an answer? They reverted to their core selves during the trauma. She was a realist and loved meeting people, focusing on solid leads and facts; Jerry was the idealist, focusing on principles, prayers and spiritual energy. Introvert vs. her extrovert. When she turned to the cops, he turned to his faith.

 

They met in geometry class and he called her the brown-nose because she sat in the front and he arrived late, seemingly hung over. He played the game 500. He was one inch over six feet tall and she was five feet, one inch. He was small town and she was big city.

Jerry found a job in D.C. with the National Jogging Association that fulfilled his two-year alternative service obligation, qualifying under the category of promoting the nation’s health. They became vegetarians and started running together.

 

Her stepfather died in 1972. He was 49.

 

The FBI sent her flowers on her 40^th birthday saying their prayers are with her and her family.

 

The Minnesota North Stars wore JW on their helmet. The Vikings wore special baseball caps along the sideline that said Jacob’s “Hope and Listen.” The family went to center court at the inaugural Timberwolves game vs. Bulls. Jacob shared the same birthday as Michael Jordan. Signs of support were in yards as were white ribbons on mailboxes, lamp posts and car antennas. People kept porch lights on. City Hall had an 11-foot candle that said Jacob’s Hope on the roof. The high school planted a tree of hope. Vietnam veterans did a 65-mile walk to raise money for his fund. He had become “everybody’s child.”

 

Geraldo Rivera came and moved the couch for his interview to find popcorn, dog hair and junk. Sounds like my place. Patty didn’t like the show, but her sister said not to write him a nasty letter because she might need him one day. They interviewed Jerry’s patients, neighbors, teachers, coaches and Boy Scout leaders, but he was never in the Scouts.There was a rumor that Jerry wasn’t his real dad. Some thought his religion killed their first-born sons.

 

Tears, prayers, songs, hugs nor media hadn’t brought Jacob back in three weeks. Patty started making chocolate chip cookies and it made her feel less mean, angry, vindictive and cynical.

 

A student told Jerry several juvenile boys in Paynesville had been molested by a Duane Hart. He was a groomer with gifts, drugs and alcohol. Jacob was taken by force. By gunpoint. Hart supposedly didn’t have a car. They also learned of Jared, 13, abducted and assaulted in Cold Spring. Danny Heinrich, a Paynesville man, was a suspect in Jared’s case. They tracked down a car he owned previously and Jared ranked it as a resemblance of the car in his abduction a 9 of 10.

 

The False Hope part

One day the public address system at a shopping center announced Jacob had been found. Someone mistook “Jason” for Jacob. There was a standoff in a house where the man was talking about Jacob. There was a caller who said he was Jacob. There were claims he was on a flight to Amsterdam, a homeless shelter, convenience store in Reno, gun show in Phoenix and flea market in New Mexico. Another missing boy got to go home because someone noticed a suspicious situation and called it in. A body was found about Jacob’s age in water. Someone had broken into a crypt, stolen a recently deceased body, cut off his head, hands and feet and threw him into the river.

 

Kevin shared Steven Stayner’s story. He was 7 in California in 1972. Men were collecting donations for the church. He showed them the way. For seven years he was brainwashed into believing his parents did not want him and that he had been adopted. Another child was abducted and Steven snuck him out of the house and they hitchhiked. We should all be able to spot a child in trouble.

 

Patty learned the lures, kind of people who do this and safety tips. She lined up safety talks at schools, churches and organizations. Scaring kids does not make them safer. Helping them be confident and staying connected to their parents does. She wanted the good people to pull together because there are more of them. Stronger than one really bad man. She gathered more stories, not necessarily stats. People remember hope. 1) You are special. Jacob loves peanut butter and sneezes in the sun. Lures are not candy and money. Children need attention and love. 2. Nobody has the right to hurt you, physically or sexually. If someone does touch you, it’s not your fault. Don’t keep it a secret. Someone reported naked lady pictures of his dad in the garage and a boyfriend of a mother who threatened her with a knife. One high school girl’s father was still giving her baths.

 

The Wetterlings  went to the State Capitol to address the missing children issue. They thanked legislators and lawmakers wore Jacob’s Hope ribbons. The governor established a commission on child abduction to make recommendations to the Legislature.

 

Patty was on the governor’s task force on missing children along with human service agencies, educators, law enforcement, social service agencies, missing children organizations, criminal justice, religious communities, parents of missing children and concerned citizens. The subcommittees were non-family abduction, parental, runaways and throwaways, public education and system needs. She was chair of the first one. She said the first thing that would have helped her was a central repository of information and sex offender registration. Sharing was needed between agencies. Information was in silos. California had a registry of sex offenders since the early 1970s. Stearns County had identified more than 5,000 sexual offenders in Minnesota in the first few months of Jacob’s kidnapping. Offenders can have 100 victims.

 

The siblings when confronted that their brother was dead would say I’ve gotta go. That’s now what we believe. You don’t have all the information. The family chose to hope.

 

After a year, the investigators went from 75 to eight, four from Stearns County, two from the state’s Bureau of Criminal Apprehension office and two from the FBI. Tens of thousands of leads had been reported.

 

Patty lost it when the kids came home with new school photos. The kids’ faces no longer had sparkles of innocence. They held questioning expressions. Trevor slept on a sleeping bag on the floor of the parents’ bedroom or a fold-out bed in Carmen’s room.

 

There was a prayer service at the College of St. Benedict, tree-planting at Centennial Park, walk/run, release of homing pigeons sent from her sister Barbi in California. The note said: I am sending you a symbol of hope, freedom, flight in hopes they will take with them some of the rage and horror of the past year and show us a freedom which we await so impatiently.

 

The current governor lost and recommendations needed to go to the new one. They brought along a former runaway, a father whose children had been kidnapped by his estranged wife and Patty with the perfect stranger abduction. The new governor put his feet on his desk and said: Am I going to have to listen to more of these? Patty wanted a violent crime center, a time limit of four hours for law enforcement to submit reports to the center, training about the use of it and updated sentencing guidelines. A sex offender registry? You can’t do that, the new governor said. “These people have rights.” That was Gov. Arne Carlson. Patty’s sheriff rose to his feet and she had to settle him down. She studied other state’s laws. The Minnesota Sex Offender Registration Act finally passed the Legislature, the 15^th state to do so. Dave Durenberger asked for help at the federal level. Offenders were choosing where to live based on states that didn’t have mandatory registration. President Bill Clinton signed the Jacob Wetterling Act. Patty’s presence personified the situation and brought it home.

 

She starting finding Jerry hard to talk to and he preferred to avoid deep discussions. Her world was dominated by pedophiles, sex offenders and victims of sexual assault. The Wetterlings were interrogated, polygraphed, pitted against each other and made targets of lies and scandals. They were even extorted. A prisoner made threats that they arranged the abduction in order to get money. 

 

She received no money for speaking engagements and wouldn’t take it from the foundation because she was afraid people might accuse her of making money off of Jacob’s disappearance. Parents of the missing lose their jobs because of absenteeism and distractions. Some hire private investigators. Jerry had withdrawn $30,000 for cell phone bills, pizza for volunteers, etc. When the tip line was about to be taken down, the foundation paid a portion of the bill. They had three full-time staffers. The family wrestled with raising children, running his business, serving on the board, educating other children, supporting other parents, advocating for laws and speaking at events. Gone were the mall days or quick bites at restaurants without interruption, though hugs, encouragement and well-wishes were appreciated.

 

The foundation expanded to missing adults, parental abductions and international abductions. They needed more clarity and vision. She took a hiatus and the executive director tended to business. The executive committee, which she was not on, dismissed the staff and director, a dear friend.  Patty didn’t want the public to think funds were mismanaged or they were closing. Several board members resigned and volunteers were upset. They began charging for speaking. Patty joined the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children board and was on the program committee. At her first White House briefing, she heard Janet Reno, attorney general, say the three elements of the crime bill were punishment, policing and prevention. Chief of Staff Mack McLarty of Arkansas filled in for Al Gore. (As Arkla CEO, he used to stay at the Remington Suite Hotel when I managed prior to the White House job). The Jacob Wetterling Crimes Against Children and Sexually Violent Offender Registration Act signing was in the Rose Garden. It was awful yet it was an honor. Patty had learned so much that she had a three-ring binder she constantly carried while traveling.

 

Jacob’s Hope T-shirts were sold at his school on the fifth anniversary. There was a time capsule that he could open when he returned. Letters, poems, a wish, autographed football, Class of 1996 keychain and hockey puck. It was handmade by a 34-year-old industrial arts teacher who had passed away earlier in the year.

 

When the FBI agent went to make a donation to the foundation, he had a photo of Jacob in there along with his own family. The FBI field office had no no family photos or crayon pictures on the cube walls. In more talks, Bahai’i came up again. They don’t have clergy. When there are enough members in a community, they elect a nine-member Local Spiritual Assembly which guides the community and manages administrative duties. The supreme governing body is located in Israel. The faith started in Iran. Bahai’s believe God has sent messengers at different times to deliver his messages to the world. One theory was that Jacob was kidnapped by them and taken out of the country to be groomed as a leader. They thought he knew the kidnapper. There was only one set of footprints on the road and they were Jacob’s. That would mean the person who took him was a signficant distance away, not dragging or carrying him. It appears Jacob went willingly. Strangers had gone into the Wetterling home over the years.

 

The sheriff told Patty early on that she could not tire.

 

Daughter Amy went to college where no one knew her and she could blend in. Patty finally cleaned Jacob’s room and saw his name in cursive on the closet wall. She placed her hand on his signature and could almost feel his pulse. Aaron stayed close to the family.

 

Patty testifed with John Walsh in a House committee. They were urging the FBI to provide immediate assistant to police departments in child abductions.  Walsh pushed for a capital crime even in states without the death penalty. Patty did not support the death penalty. Walsh used words like predator and monster, but Patty said they are typically living in the neighborhood and attend community churches. They could be a coach, teacher, brother or uncle. Some Minnesota lawmakers argued that public notification was an infringement on a person’s right to privacy. She also became acquainted with Marc Klaas.

 

Patty was a torchbearer in the 1996 Olympics, running one kilometer across an 84-day, 42-state journey to Atlanta. The flame never goes out and it helped her feel Jacob’s spirit. The three and a half pound torch had power. She felt connected to it. Like she was carrying the message of child safety, to protect it from the elements and transfer it to the next amazing human being to carry, preserve and pass on. She gave a commencement speech. Five years earlier, two 14 year olds in Jacob’s class had been struck by a car and killed. Another was in a fatal accident the same year. A police officer had been killed in the line of duty. Two months before, another student was in a car accident and the parents were going to speak as well. The principal said the school felt like a morgue at times. No smiles and no chatter about future plans. They had braved it together. Each had a white ribbon pinned to his gown in honor of Jacob. The choir sang Jacob’s Hope.  Jon’s parents said he would want all of them to succeed and go after their dreams. Patty said she watched them grow up because they couldn’t watch Jacob. You deserve to be proud, she told them. The mascot was an eagle. She thought of Jacob if she saw one. She wondered what position he would have played on the football field. What girl he would have asked to prom. What college he would have selected. They went through one agonizing milestone to the next.

 

In 1989, there were 100 organizations across the country that advocated for missing children. Most didn’t get along with each other. There was competition over funding.

 

Trevor was homecoming king, played wide receiver and went to St. Cloud State University.

 

By the end of 1998, Patty spent 105 days traveling, making presentations in 16 states and two countries. She was hired as a speaker for Fox Valley Technical College which received grants from the National Criminal Justice Training Center. She and another missing mother agreed a handbook was needed for when a child goes missing—with resources and heartfelt advice. She also began, through a grant, parent to parent mentoring. There was a toll-free number.

 

She wrote another letter published on the ninth anniversary. Jacob had his grandpa’s middle name. You were once an 11-year-old boy. Someone’s son and brother. Do you also love peanut butter? Did you sneeze when you looked at the sun?  Did you play jokes on April Fool’s?  Please talk to me. She was so hopeful the perpetrator would call that she kept a notebook by the phone with a list of questions. There was a flurry of new tips, nothing from him.

 

Carmen went to the University of Wisconsin. Amy got her criminal justice degree. She met her husband Chris at a fundraiser for Jacob held near his birthday. The Vikings head coach had the same birthday and graciously served as honorary chair for several years. When they married, they had a kind note for Jacob in the wedding program. One of Jacob’s friends designed her own major, Child Abduction Prevention, at St. Olaf.

 

Patty’s mom, who seldom took center stage, stepped up to home plate at the HHH Metrodome and urged 15,000 Twins fans to talk to kids about safety. Patty unveiled the AMBER alert in Minnesota. The system would be tested twice a year, once on the day of his abduction. The other on National Missing Children’s Day on May 25.

 

There had been 30,000 leads in 12.5 years. The Boston Globe’s investigation of clergy sexual abuse came out and people wondered if a monk or priest did something to Jacob. Patty thought it far-fetched because why go to a dead-end road when they had access at church and schools and camps. There were two clergy who had visited their home to offer support. Their names were on the list. One had hosted the first community prayer service. The other invited kids to his house for movie night.

 

Barbi struggled with alcoholism. Every year she sent a dozen roses on Jacob’s birthday—11 in a bright color and one white for hope. She took care of Patty for six weeks. Wear this. Comb your hair. Talk to this person. Eat. When their mother passed, Patty begged for her to let her know if she saw Jacob in heaven. She would miss her mother’s calm, kind and gentle spirit.

 

The 13^th anniversary had another article. Patty tried to find Jacob, protected kids, educated parents, changed laws and supported other families. She noticed a kid in a car while the parent was in a liquor store. They would never leave a $50 bill on the seat with the windows down and car running. She left one of Jacob’s missing flyers on his seat. She was aware of another story where a man knocked on a car window and told them their parents wanted them to come inside. He took one of them for 10 months. At one of the organizations, the office administrator’s 10-year-old son had been abducted by the ex-husband. He was recovered after eight months.

 

At one organization, bills were not being paid and Patty was blamed. She was fired by close colleagues even though she founded it. She was sabotaged.

 

They went through three sheriffs during the ordeal and learned factors you should know. Keep the story alive in the media. People need to come forward who witness a situation that doesn’t feel right. Make sure police respond quickly to tips.

 

In another letter, Jacob’s kindergarten teacher had said 28 students called and wanted to say thank you to Patty for keeping them safe. The teacher said she was just doing her little part and thanked Patty for doing the big part.

 

Patty was approached to be a candidate for Congress because she had run two federal programs, applied for federal grants and helped change federal law. Some felt she would be too nice. She sought out people who were experts for counsel and advice. She had 91 percent name recognition in her district.  She got to speak at the Democratic National Convention in 2004. Jerry could not campaign because of his religious beliefs. She considered herself a centrist. She got criticized for not having a gun permit or a fishing license. But she did and someone even called a resort they went to frequently to ask. How would this make her a better Congresswoman? She did not believe the federal government should decide abortion. She didn’t think there was a blanket decision to cover personal situations and was advised to avoid the topic.  Staff forgot to block off her calendar on the week of her daughter’s wedding, which I find insane, so she had to cancel a debate. (An eagle circled over Trevor’s wedding). The opponent would not accept five alternative dates and criticized her for canceling. She was glad to see her daughter get married; they had experienced fear and sadness, hope and heartbreak, unwanted publicity, horrifying leads and people they knew being investigated. Patty cast her vote on her 65^th birthday. She recalled being the scared kindergartener when she lost her dad. The happy second grader when her mom remarried. A proud big sister. The soda jerk, cheerleader, college student, teacher, wife, mom and victim of a terrible crime. In five months her team set up an office with 17 staffers and hundreds of volunteers. They raised $2 million and the race brought the President there. She didn’t promise more than she could deliver, did not lie and hadn’t sacrificed integrity. She focused on taxes, small business, labor unions, farming, jobs, education, the economy, government spending and all inner workings of a campaign, like cramming for finals. She lost, 46 percent. It was the most expensive congressional race in Minnesota history. Her opponent was going to run for Senate. She felt she would beat him in a statewide race because Minnesotans tend to be more liberal than those in her Sixth District. She competed against Amy Klobuchar and Ford Bell, the president of the Minneapolis Heart Institute Foundation. She ended up withdrawing; she liked Klobuchar. She was encouraged to run for House again. One candidate was Michele Bachmann. Rep. Mark Foley, an advocate for child safety, resigned after allegations arose that he sent sexually explicit emails and instant messages to pages. She had worked with him on  preventing predatory behavior. Other leaders knew he did this for a year! These kids as pages were vulnerable and far from home. Patty gave the Democratic response to George W. Bush’s weekly radio address after the scandal. She was accused by her opponent as rushing to judgment and exploiting the situation for political gain. This was her life’s work! Bachman won this time.

 

Then Patty got a call that the director of the sexual violence prevention program at the Department of Health was leaving. The office was in the Golden Rule Building. The number of children and adults sexually assaulted in 2005 in the state could fill the Metrodome—60,000 in one year. She produced a five-year plan to protect them. The daily commute was 180 miles.

 

Twenty years came and went. Two key people gave the Wetterling’s strength. Vern Iverson who coordinated the media response and Grammer’s song called “Listen.” They planned a concert with proceeds going to the Boys and Girls Club and the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center. There came a regional outage and power came back on 20 minutes before the show was supposed to start. There could be no light or sound checks. During the concert, Patty read from a book she had written for her three grandchildren, one named Jake for Jacob. Family photos flashed. When you see a rainbow, when you blow out a candle and make a wish, or tell a funny joke…When you hug your best friend, or your little sister, and when you to go to sleep at night…You can know that Jacob is smiling inside your heart. We call that special place in your heart Jacob’s Hope. Media did the annual shaking of the tree, as she called it. The Minneapolis Star-Tribune featured Aaron in a cover story, “Gone 20 Years But With Him Every Day.” The what ifs included what if the moon had been full and they could have spotted the man earlier, what if the man took Aaron instead of Jacob? Barbi had told Patty she believed Jacob’s body was buried.

 

Patty finally spoke with a neighbor. He had seen a car that night. He thinks the person did a test run.

 

Patty had a dream that she was pushing Jacob in a wheelchair and he asked here when she got so old. She became a grandma of twins. Double everything with half the sleep, she said.

 

She wanted her speeches to leave people empowered and committed to a safer world. A second grader once wrote: Jacob will be fine, If he isn’t all right, you will see him in heaven. Or my dog died. Jacob can play with him. She met someone named Joy, a blogger, after a speech. She had been writing about Jacob. There was talk of a work van with no windows. Patty thinks of him every time she sees one.  Joy had even looked up the weather report and found the moon hadn’t risen until midnight on that date, so 9 p.m. would be totally dark.

 

Patty got an envelope about someone assuming Jacob’s identity. The dude got driver’s licenses in three states, rented a P.O. Box and car dealers let him go for test drives without a deposit. He drove to Mexico to sell them. He was caught when he applied for a passport. He needed a birth certificate and pretended to be Jacob’s father and Jacob. The clerk knew his missing story, however. Patty could not believe someone used this for personal gain and called it cruelty among the lowest she’d seen. Joy had known about it from a San Francisco media story. The family didn’t.

Joy believed Jared and Jacob’s abductor were the same person--voice, authoritative manner, threat of a gun and similar commands. “Run and don’t look back, or I’ll shoot.” Among the other boys, one said the mask was like indoor-outdoor candy-striped carpeting. He was about 5’ 11” and not chunky. A baseball cap had been left at one scene and was misplaced. It was later found and sent to the DNA lab. Clothing of Jacob’s was sent as DNA technology improved—a snowmobile suit, sweatshirt and T-shirt were tested periodically.

 

The cities of Paynesville, Cold Spring and St. Joseph were in the same county.

 

Patty had been on The 700 Club, Joan Rivers, Phil Donahue, Maury Povich, John Walsh’s The Hunt and Nancy Grace. In Reader’s Digest, People, Good Housekeeping and O. They reached out to truckers’ magazines and flea market publications. Joy’s blog was a new thing. They learned stories of Duane Hart about drug running, arson and bar fights. He had a makeshift camp. He lured boys to swim and fish. Then he molested them. He bribed them with drugs and alcohol. He had a car, Joy said. He was arrested.

 

A huge missing persons summit included federal law officials, forensic scientists, medical and mental health professionals, survivors and victim advocates. Their own sheriff did not attend after many invitations.  The summit was inspired by the recoveries of Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard and Gina DeJesus. Missing children are traumatized, terrified and constantly told that they or their loved ones would be killed if they tried to escape. Joy’s blog visits grew from 100 a day to 30,000. A recurring theme was look into Delbert and Tim Huber. Delbert killed a teacher. Son Tim helped him cover it up. Delbert resembled a sketch. Delbert died in prison in 2014. If he had knowledge, it was taken to the grave.  There had been a body found in the Mississippi, bones in the woods in Northern Minnesota, a Milwaukee barber who had kept haunting journals and one of Jacob’s missing posters, he was “seen” in a mental hospital in London and in Amsterdam.  Joy made a spreadsheet of tips, prioritized from most important to least and sorted them by suspect. Then the blog generated 69 tips.

 

ANCMEC found 56 children who were recovered after more than 20 years.

 

The saddest I got was when Patty said they had an age-progressed photo of Jacob at 35. Along with the fifth-grade one. I actually gasped.

 

She put together a list of 25 ways to build hope in children:

Help me build a fort, stop at my lemonade stand, read to me, listen without distractions, join me in finding animal shapes in clouds, model kindness, create art, teach me empathy, put an encouraging note in my lunch, do something with me to make our block more beautiful, sing to me, remind me to share, be a voice for youth, celebrate differences, dance with me, teach me something new, help me create snow angels, tell me campfire stories over S’mores, take technology breaks, ask me my opinion, create a scavenger hunt, volunteer somewhere together, put together a neighborhood event, take me on a bike ride, talk to me about online and body safety.

 

The tree planted at Jacob’s school was now 30 feet tall, once the height of a six-grader. The Law Enforcement Center had a Jacob Wetterling Conference Center. People were still asked to call in tips. From 2009 to 2013, more than 160 kids who were missing between 11 and 20 years were found. Forty-two who had been missing more than 20 years were found. Patty clipped articles, saved and studied them. On the 25^th anniversary, friends came by with a white rose and baby’s breath from former neighbors, as they had done all prior years. A Lakota friend did a smudging and prayer. Patty lit candles and played songs that reminded her of her son. Listen, Jacob’s Hope and Somewhere Out There. Joy and Jared helped her feel stronger. The four were a force—energized, empowered, determined, undeterred and undaunted.

 

Patty retired in 2015. Her life had been all about leads, sightings, media, speaking, travel, prioritizing, response modes, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  At 65, she became a landlord.

 

Finally Danny Heinrich became a match to the DNA. There was a sword collection photo from his home. In a home video, there was a handgun in a safe, black like the one Trevor and Aaron described. It was not in the safe now. There were 19 binders of child porn. A sneaker transposed on the mold of his footprint. The tire matched. The arrest charge would be on federal charges of child porn. It was surreal and terrifying. It wasn’t a priest, monk, railroad guy, junkyard guy or  campground guy. It wasn’t Duane Hart. The Wetterlings had a plan to go to Colorado for Halloween to see grandchilden and still did. The principal at Amy’s school allowed her off and Carmen’s supervisor did the same.  Before Jacob was kidnapped, parents let their kids trick-or-treat. That went away in 1989. It was replaced by parties or the mall. Reporters who weren’t even born yet lined the Wetterling drive when they returned. An article came out with victims, one anonymous, these men being silenced and voiceless for almost 30 years. Joy wanted a healing gathering, but it was called a community information session. Media were banned from the questions and answers session. They planned it for Nov. 30 and the roads were impassable. It was postponed until Dec. 6 and held anyway after much fog and freezing rain. The Strib reporters asked about vehicles, party spots and anything about Heinrich.

 

The trial was like being dropped onto another planet.

 

Jared did not have money for an attorney, but a reporter tried to help. A civil case could provide the opportunity to subpoena people and have them testify under oath. Jared had a divorce, lost opportunities for promotion and had recent unemployment due to anxiety and stress. He said there was not a day that went by where he didn’t think about that guy who harmed him and he wanted him to pay for taking away his childhood.

 

They found Jacob’s jacket on a farm where a couple was raising five children and leading innocent lives. Porch lights were on for Jacob. Light posts had white ribbons. Newspapers were sold out.  Our Hearts Are Broke, read the headline.  The first four pages had the discovery of his remains, the timeline and the reaction of local residents. Their grandchild is 11, the same age as the missing Jacob. This also saddened me.

 

Patty wanted to know what brought Heinrich to St. Joseph, how did he come across the boys, why them, why that road, what happened, why didn’t he let Jacob go? The sheriff said he was just out searching for a young boy to molest, drove until he had an opportunity, got out and waited. What did I do wrong? Jacob asked. He told him to take his clothes off, then he molested him. Jacob was cold and Heinrich told him he could get dressed. Can I go home now? He said he could not. He saw a police car go by with lights on and told Jacob he had to pee and made him turn around. He raised a gun to his head. It clicked but did not go off. Again, but Jacob did not fall. Next time he fell.  He walked to a gravel pit to bury him. He brought a shovel, but decided it would take too long. He walked by a construction company and saw a Bobcat. He knew where they hid the key. He dug the hole and put Jacob in, threw his jacket on top of him and covered him up. About a year later, he went back and caught a glimpse of something red. He had been pulled up to the surface by growing brush. He went back that night and dug him up. Then he put the remains in a garbage bag, carried him across the highway to that rural farm property and buried him under a grove of trees. Patty’s firstborn son who she hugged through a million owies, illnesses, cuddles and rocking, wasn’t there she he needed her. When asked what people could do, Patty said say a prayer, light a candle, be with friends, play with their children, giggle and hold hands. Eat ice cream, suggested another. Create joy. Help your neighbor. She wondered what Jacob would want her to wear for the memorial. She pulled out black and then turquoise. Blue was Jacob’s favorite color. 

 

In the courtroom, Patty stated:  Jacob, I got old the day you were taken from us. I may be 66 now, but as of today, I’m officially 26 years, eight months and six days old. Jacob was alive until we found him. She told the media they needed to heal, and would then speak to them. I found that odd because they had helped her so much. There were a lot of lessons learned. Coping, Processing. Remembering. Mourning. Screaming in agony. He had empty words in court. He had no spirit, no regret. He was just cold, pathetic and hollow.  She was depleted.

 

Danny added heads of classmates from junior high yearbooks to the bodies of naked children he found on the internet.  Patty’s momgut reeled with pain. She learned Jacob was handcuffed.

 

They came up with 11 traits on how he lived his life. Fair, kind, understanding, honest, thankful, good sport, good friend, joyful, generous, gentle with others, positive. A hockey team came up with #11for Jacob, his soccer number. Kids used duct tape on the backs of their shirts. A volleyball team wrote the traits on their arms. A football team walked on the field carrying a No. 11 jersey. Some formed the 11 in their gym and took a photo from overhead. A police department put 11 on their hands. Federal legislators stood in front of the U.S. Capitol holding a sign of the 11 traits. The Twins and Indians played, both wearing patches and the Twins wore special red jerseys that were auctioned for the foundation. They became an unofficial logo.  The Vikings invited the family to a game. They encouraged fans to donate $11 via text. The Minnesota Wild gave a tribute and a $11,000 check. During the program, they took turns turning jerseys with each trait. A bridge in downtown Minneapolis was lit blue. The Ordway Theater displayed a lighted 11. The Guthrie Theater did, too. A couple from St. Joseph paid to have mile markers installed along a 12-mile stretch of the Lake Wobegon Trail, each displaying a trait. Kennedy Elementary retired Jacob’s number and hung it in the cafeteria. On Twitter, a woman shared a note on her windshield. Have a cup of coffee on me, #11for Jacob. It included a gift card. A man who pumped their septic tank charged $11.11. Through people who cared, a flicker of hope was always brought back to the light. Patty writes another letter. We are around the same table where he had dinner, played cards and did crafts. I had to steel myself to do whatever it would to bring you home. Sometimes she wrote on a notebook in her purse, random scrap of paper, journal, cocktail napkin or laptop. It calmed her soul and eased her heart. She recalled memories of a lemonade stand and garage sale to help Ethiopian children. They played “We Are the World,” did skits and made homemade Christmas gifts. Now everything was Before and After. A soldier in Desert Storm carried Jacob’s picture. She tells him what friends are doing. Team HOPE has 500 volunteers and reached out to more than 102,000 people. Jacob had introduced them to survivors and challenges and successes. They had planned next steps, dug deeper and pressured investigators.

 

Jared won his civil lawsuit but won’t see the $17 million.

 

Everything mattered. Every call, piece of evidence, interview, search. Patty was grateful for people who didn’t even know the family. They strengthened her resolve and she didn’t crawl into a shell. She felt like a little kid lost in the forest. Blogger Joy thanked those who told her to take the leap and the net will appear. It was hope and a prayer that carried the Wetterlings. Patty learned not to let the worst things define her. She believes in the power of good people pulling together. Jacob taught her to do good things, work to correct wrongs and fight for a world that is more caring.