Thursday, December 15, 2016
My Top Jon Benet Ramsey Tweets 2016
My Top Olympics Tweets 2016
My Top LSU Tweets 2016
LSU
-Revelation 21:5 From @LSUJesus
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Grief a new walk
Grief a new walk
Confront your grief and you'll take away its power. I don't
remember where I heard it, but I believe it to be true.
I do recall that Billy Graham said grief is like going
through a tunnel and sometimes we wonder if we'll come out at the end. One
thing God does for comfort is remind us of the hope we have in heaven.
Grief can get loud. Don't speak over it is a great message
from "Did You Ever Have a Family?"
You sometimes feel after a death experience that you’re
talking a foreign language, said a woman whose daughter died. “You feel like
there’s no way anybody can know what you’re feeling. There is absolutely no way
anyone can know the depth of your pain. So you feel like it’s futile to talk
about it because words can’t express the pain.”
Remember a person dies once when he stops breathing and a
second time when somebody mentions his name for the last time. That's why the
names of a million fallen are spoken out loud, to make sure they don't have to
die a second time. That is the Wreaths
Across America message.
You may have lost your companion, encourager, entertainer,
source of delight, breadwinner, the one who knows you so well, the shoulder on
which you cry, the arms that embrace and comfort you, the one who always cheers
you, your pride and joy.
When her husband died, a lady said no one was there to call
her beautiful. She got new glasses and
used his frames and finally looked in the mirror. She liked her face. She was
looking at it through his eyes.
People say death is grueling, shattering, frozen. Everything
seems mechanical. They are unable to find solid ground--like being on a
trampoline. The art of losing is hard to master, but here is what some people
have done:
Chandra Levy's mother said you transcend by helping others.
The loss of a child will always bring you tears, but the joy
of having known them lasts forever. One mother said she had to wake up at 8
a.m. to get ready by noon. God knew what it was like to lose a child; he
understands grief. He can lead you through it.
"Go, mommy, go," a mother hears from her
2-year-old son in heaven to restore her city and build a park named after him.
--From a Steve Hartman story
The day after a family's son died from a nut allergy, they
set up the Red Sneaker Foundation. They’re trying to raise awareness to food
allergies and get legislation passed requiring large labels on any food package
that may contain nuts.
Kimberly Schlapman of Little Big Town forgave the drunk driver who killed her brother-in-law. She and her husband launched a non-profit to deliver teddy bears and dogwood trees — Allen Schlapman's favorite kind of tree — to children in Tennessee who lose a parent.The Dogwood Project also gives surviving parents recommendations for grief counselors for their kids.
When Pastor Rick and Kay Warren lost their son, she didn't
open Christmas cards until much later. Ones didn't mention their grief, ones
did a "praying for you" and some included loving, soothing,
thoughtful words. Sadly, the third stack was the smallest.
The show must go on. Celine Dion
New Orleans does Second Lines, a procession as a sign of
esteem.
The wife of Monty Williams, assistant Thunder coach, died in
a car wreck. We didn't lose her, he said. "I know where she is." And
she is pain free, whole and happy. Adopt his attitude.
One person used a baby boy name password she lost in utero
to "keep him alive." Name your
miscarried baby instead of referring to him as "the baby we lost."
What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone
monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others. Pericles
Natalie Wood's daughter said everything in your life is
there to teach you something; you can be awake to it or asleep to it. When the
monsters are coming, you have to let them eat cake. Feed them. They more you
invite them in, the less scary they become.
Rainer Maria Rilke poem: Let everything happen to you.
Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. When you lose a
parent, you just want to find ways to keep them close.
A person never really becomes a grownup until he loses both
his parents. You just don't wallow in death; you move on. John F. Kennedy Jr.
Andrea Yates' husband said he would not let the drowning
events steal the joy of knowing his children the short time he did.
Winston Churchill believed this. The prime minister planned
his own funeral. Two buglers were positioned in the dome of St. Paul’s
Cathedral. At the conclusion of the service, the first played TAPS, the signal
of a day completed. The second played Reveille, the song of a day begun. Death
is no pit, but a passageway, a corner turn.
The death of the person you love requires soul work. She was
never mine. She's God's. I don't want to take heaven away from her. --Sandy
Hook parent on the "700 Club"
Life will never be the same, but you won't always feel like
you do right now. --Chaplain to Tony Dungy on his son's death
A boy with Asperger's hugged his grandmother on a loss she
had and said, "Everyone thinks I'm
comforting you, but really I need comforting."
The wife of Paul Kalanithi said that as a child, she was
always told that a grave should be stepped around, not onto, that only flowers
should touch it. With Paul, the rules reversed. Just as it felt right to lie
with him, finally restful on that spring afternoon a few weeks after his death,
it feels right to bring friends there now, to watch the sunset and pour a beer
out for him. And it feels right for our bright-eyed 1-year-old daughter to
crawl among the flowers placed on the grave. They are making this place theirs,
and his. He was a neurosurgeon who died from lung cancer at 36. In the funeral
procession, his wife said she couldn't take his hand, but guided him so he
would not go alone. For several months, she slept with her head on the pillow
he had died on, left his medications in their drawer, wore his clothes to bed.
Months after his death, she goes and sits at his grave, absent-mindedly
stroking the grass as if it were his hair, talking to him using nicknames only
he would understand.
One man, after a death in the family, kept working hard and
doing marathons. He took a meditation class and broke down. It was the first
time he was still other than sleeping. Trauma demands acknowledgement and
respect. He could not maintain that grueling pace. Knowing that everything is
tenuous and the only thing over which you have control is your own reaction is
a gift.
A friend's Facebook said, As for grief, you’ll find it comes
in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all
around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the
magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float.
You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s
some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. In the
beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come
10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can
do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find
the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come,
they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can
breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It
might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of
coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in
between waves, there is life.
Another lady said 11 days before the anniversary of her
husband's death, she broke down crying to a friend while sitting on a bathroom
floor. She said, “Eleven days. One year ago, he had 11 days left. And we had no
idea.” We looked at each other through tears, and asked how we would live if we
knew we had 11 days left. It is the
greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude
— gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter
of my children. My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude — not just
on the good days, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it. And when
the challenges come, I hope you remember that anchored deep within you is the
ability to learn and grow. You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.
Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it. In that
process you will figure out who you really are — and you just might become the very
best version of yourself.
A lady who does needlepoint learned that you start with the
darkest yarn and work to the lightest because the piece stays cleaner if you
put the pale in first. She realized she
emerged into the light, too.
A woman needed some honey because she couldn't find hers.
She bought some in a big-box store. Then she found her own jar. Then she gave a speech and honey was her
gift. Then she had lunch with an acquaintance, not knowing he was a beekeeper
and he gave her some. She read that honey is a symbol of God's blessing and
abundance. After months of grieving her son, it was as if God placed his loving
arms around her and promised blessings beyond measure.
Try to reminiscence. Audit your own grief experience from time
to time. What is the State of My Union? can be asked in January.
Things You Can Do,
Suggest or Mention To Help the Grieving When They May Not Enjoy Sleigh Bells Ringing and Lights Twinkling:
If you have experienced miscarriage, divorce, grief, abuse
or a financial crisis, could it be that God is calling you to step out and
encourage others who are going through those things today? You are proof that
life goes on. You are a carrier of hope. Sometimes it is sitting silent
alongside a person. The important thing is to show up.
Have a sanctuary with photos that will help meet six
needs--acknowledge reality, embrace the pain, remember the person, develop a
new identity, search for meaning, receive ongoing support from others.
Camp Hometown Heroes has a balloon release. A boy named Alejandro releases a letter and photo in a balloon to his murdered father on his birthday and the anniversary of his death to keep him alive in his memory.
Murdered Dylan Poche's family finds healing through rock
tossing.
LSU's Colby Delahoussaye plays for Sam and Mike, who did not
survive the same wreck. Their names are written on his shoes.
Love now before you get a Facebook memory reminder. Invest in a concert or class together.
One man lights up his house for the "Christmas Light
Fight" in honor of his wife who died in 9/11.
Look who you still have, says Beth Moore.
Babyface got out of his comfort zone on "Dancing with
the Stars" and said his deceased mother would be proud of him.
Sheryl Sandburg writes down three things that gave her joy
every night. Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience. People
who take the time to list things they are grateful for are happier and
healthier. It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your
blessings. This simple practice has changed her life. Because no matter what
happens each day, she goes to sleep thinking of something cheerful.
A father wrote a letter to his son. You are far better than
even the Connor I dreamt about. We must let go of the life we have planned so
as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
The grandmother of an Orlando victim was on a plane and
someone passed a piece of paper for everyone to sign to console her.
Finish a marathon in all 50 states, run the Great Wall of
China Marathon, write a book. That's how one woman found her footing. I found
myself again, the Linda I like to be, she said.
You are going to fall. Get back up with bloodied knees and carry on.
Stop waiting for life to happen. Staying in the harbor is safe, but there is no
life in that. Life is meant to be loved and celebrated. The Great Wall was
steep, uneven, dangerous and difficult. Keep your head in the game and focus on
the step in front of you. In spite of stumbles, she completed the journey.
Force yourself out of the house and onto the course every day. You may feel like you simply no longer fit in
your world. I had no idea where I'd land. Sweep out the cobwebs in your mind by
reflecting on what you have learned about life, love and loss.
Arizona Rep. Martha McSally's dad died from a heart attack
during a beach vacation when she was 12.
She was consumed by anger, yet equally driven. "I wanted to make my
dad proud," she said. She went to the Air Force Academy.
And I love this from Guideposts about a father/son walk. The son says he always has his father's voice in his heart. He knows what to do even if he doesn't. The father was not always right, but never wrong. He said his parents did a good job. He feels his mother's hand when he is hurting or scared or confused. They were his compass.
Denmark and Sweden find comfort and revitalization in
opening a window for that certain loved one after he has died. It’s a gesture
of letting go, but also letting in; bringing in the fresh air from the outside
world and the promise of another day.
Read "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story Of Life For
All Ages."
In "My Mother's Kitchen," the author writes a
chapter on grief and food. Don't compound grief with hunger. She offers a
comfort food for a dear friend's larder.
I kind of wanted to be a florist after reading a story in "Reader's Digest." She spoke of the man who handed out three flowers to strangers every Tuesday. She had a boyfriend commit suicide. People sent cards. She doesn't remember what they wrote, only gestures. For her, it came down to the word GONE. She wrote letters and set them on fire, saw a therapist and went to yoga.
I kind of wanted to be a florist after reading a story in "Reader's Digest." She spoke of the man who handed out three flowers to strangers every Tuesday. She had a boyfriend commit suicide. People sent cards. She doesn't remember what they wrote, only gestures. For her, it came down to the word GONE. She wrote letters and set them on fire, saw a therapist and went to yoga.
Meditate--you are cultivating the quality of equanimity--a steady and calm mind. Pull the weeds and plant new seeds. Make an intention--to be more peaceful, cultivate self-compassion, reset your anxious mind. Locate the place in your body where you feel your breath rising and falling or where you feel it moving in and out. Exaggerate the next five rounds so that it is bigger and more expansive. What did you learn about yourself? How does it relate to your grief? To the rest of your life? Is there anything you want to change? Nurture? Be aware of? Spend the rest of the day being kind to yourself. Start with five minutes of seated meditation. Work up to 20 minutes a day. Take 15 seconds to gaze at the sky as if you are looking at it for the first time. --Heather Stang
Don't forswear entertainment.
Realize there will be insensitive people. Sympathy is two
hearts tugging at one load, but it doesn't always occur. You are going to find
that a lot of people suck, honestly. They are wrapped up their own lives, or
never experienced a loss, so some may be insensitive. You will find who your
friends are. In the "Hand That Rocks the Cradle," a man named Solomon
has the task of building a fence for a family. He asks the matriarch if he
should build the fence to keep people in or keep people out. Which do you choose?
Attending a funeral opens fresh wounds and requires
composure. Consider it as shared grief, no more or less than yours.
Maybe you'd rather remember the deceased on his birthday or
anniversary and send a picture or note to the survivor. A man was buried in a
mound of grief over his late wife. A random hug of a little girl in the grocery
store ended up becoming weekly visits. It changed his life.
There are parts of our grief we can use and parts we can't.
Things that cannot be processed or that do not feed our spirits must be
discarded. What fuels us forward is the harvest of our grief work. This is the
process of threshing. There are parts
that haunt us all. For some, it's the last conversation, fight, childhood argument.
Maybe you regret impatience, missed moments or just how sick they were. Perhaps
you regret denial, trying to be strong and hiding your feelings. Possibly you
fixate on a small way you let your loved one down. Maybe you are angry at
stolen futures. Start to think what you can gather, release, prepare yourself
for seasons of growth. Clear a swath of land for yourself. Allow yourself to
see the promise there. You will grow again. Combining is reaping, threshing and
sorting into one action. --From a TAPS magazine story
Grief may not be something you can ever complete. But you
can’t go back. You can’t stay here. You must go forward, one foot in front of the other until you feel the sunshine again.
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
Jesus will meet you wherever you are.
--"Cry Out to Jesus" song
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
How Mary Became the World's Most Powerful Woman
I completed reading How the Virgin Mary Became the World’s
Most Powerful Woman, the cover story in National Geographic. A person who
has been to Medjugorje 13 times said, he’s become “a sort of mouthpiece for
Jesus Christ’s healing power and of course the Mother and the power of her
intercession.” I want to be that mouthpiece here. I liked how it was said that
her mantle offers both security and protection. Jesus begins his miracles with the wedding at
Cana when Mary says there is no wine. I never knew marigolds are named for her.
Mary draws millions each year to shrines such as Fátima, Portugal and Knock, Ireland.
She inspired the creation of many great works of art and architecture --Michelangelo’s
“Pietà. Muslims as well as Christians consider her to be holy above all women,
and her name appears more often in the Koran than Mary does in the Bible. In
the New Testament Mary speaks only four times. During the first millennium, as
Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire and began
spreading into Europe, Mary typically was portrayed as an imperial figure, the
equal of emperors, dressed in royal purple and gold. In the second millennium,
beginning in the 12th century, she
underwent a dramatic shift, evolving into a more accessible, kinder, gentler
maternal figure. One professor says she can be the grieving mother, the young
virgin, the goddess figure. Just as Jesus is the ideal man, Mary is the ideal
woman. During the Reformation (1517-1648), the idea of Mary as intercessor fell
out of favor with Protestants, who advocated going straight to God in prayer.
But Mary gained millions of new Catholic followers with the Spanish conquest in
the New World in the early 1500s—and, more recently, in Africa as Christianity
has spread there. Kibeho, a small town in southern Rwanda, is remembered as the
place where the Virgin Mary appeared to three young girls and foretold of the
blood and horror of the genocide that would traumatize the country in 1994,
when the majority Hutu attacked the minority Tutsi and in three months more
than 800,000 people were slaughtered. “The first time she appeared,” Anathalie
said, “I was reciting the rosary, and she called me by my name.” Mary told her she
appears to anyone she wants, anytime she wants, anywhere she wants. “She only
asks us to love her as much as she loves us.” Michael O’Neill, a Stanford
University graduate in mechanical engineering and product design, is the Virgin
Mary’s big data numbers cruncher. On his website, MiracleHunter.com, he has
codified every known apparition of Mary back to A.D. 40. Systematic
investigation and documentation of supernatural occurrences began with the
Council of Trent, the Catholic Church’s ecumenical reaction to the Reformation,
more than 450 years ago. Of the 2,000 apparitions reported since then, Miracle
Hunter cites a mere 28 as approved by local bishops, who are the first to
decide whether “seers” seem plausible. Sixteen of those have been recognized by
the Vatican. O’Neill, in his newly published book, Exploring the Miraculous,
details the Vatican’s painstaking process when deciding whether to endorse an
apparition as miraculous—“truly extraordinary.” The “authenticity” and mental
stability of the seer are prime, and anyone suspected of trying to gain fame or
riches from contact with the Virgin Mary is ignored or condemned. Medjugorje is
one of some two dozen sites in wait-and-see mode for Vatican approval. “Miracles transcend physical nature and
physical laws,” says Robert Spitzer, a Jesuit priest who heads the Magis Center
in California, which according to its website is dedicated to explaining faith,
physics and philosophy. Certain images and stories of the Virgin Mary are so
powerful they help define a country. That’s the case with Our Lady of
Guadalupe, whose image on the tilma, or cloak, of a poor Indian man gave rise,
in 1531, to Mexican identity. Juan Diego didn’t have much luck with the bishop,
who wanted a sign of some sort. Mary instructed him to climb the hill, cut some
flowers, and present them to the bishop. Flowers don’t bloom there in December,
but Juan Diego gathered a bouquet of beautiful roses, which he folded into his
tilma, believed to be woven from agave fibers. When he finally got to see the
bishop and opened his cloak, the roses spilled out, revealing the image of Our
Lady of Guadalupe. This is the only time Mary is said to have left a painted
portrait of herself.
Lourdes claims more than 7,000 miracles since the mid-1800s.
Only 69 have officially been recognized by the church. Lourdes has a giant
underground basilica built in 1958 to commemorate the centennial of the virgin’s
appearance in 1858 to Bernadette, an illiterate 14-year-old peasant girl. She
was later canonized. I recently watched the Oscar-winning movie. Mary commanded Bernadette to scoop up mud
with her hands to make a spring gurgle from the damp soil. She came from a poor
family who slept on straw and was first thought to be crazy. Then it was wondered
if there would be a profit in it and if the economy would soar. Fascinating to
think about.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Does Your Grief Feel Like a Broken Ornament?
11th annual holiday grief column, similarly have had 11 friends with losses since around Thanksgiving. It appeared in The Times up until last year when I decided to blog due to the length.
DOES YOUR GRIEF FEEL LIKE A BROKEN ORNAMENT?
If you're grieving due to a recent loss, you may wonder how to get through the holidays and if mourning ever really ends. As time goes on, it will erupt less frequently. You can run from it, but you can't hide. And you shouldn't run from it.
Bono sang, “There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love.”
Grieving is a process, not an event, and there are no rewards for speed. Dose yourself in embracing the pain in this uncharted territory. You may go from acute to integrated or abiding grief (people think you are doing well), perhaps back to complicated grief (stuck in a black whirlpool). Someone said she was suspended in aspic and pushed along in a stream. It was as if someone had taken a can opener to her edges and rolled back her skin, exposing her insides to air and microbes and every other invasive thing. Her eyeballs and skin hurt when she went outside.
There will be a multitude of emotions, likely to come in waves. Grievers often use these words: Doleful. Debilitating. Lonely. Listless. Longing for what might have been. Raw. Gutted. Touchy. Bereft of hope. Heaviness. Heartache. Fear. Uncertainty. They say they have lost their cool, yelled, stomped, thrown up, thrown things, used a punching bag, drawn the blinds and wailed.
Grief doesn't come with a handbook. I've written this column for ten years and here is what I've learned from some well known names since last year's:
Sheryl Sandberg's childhood friend, who is now a rabbi, told her the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: “Let me not die while I am still alive.” Sandberg says you can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. She said she lived 30 years in 30 days. "I am 30 years sadder. I feel like I am 30 years wiser."
One colleague admitted she’d been driving by Sandberg's house frequently, not sure if she should come in. Another said he was paralyzed when Sandberg was around, worried he might say the wrong thing. One of her favorite cartoons is an elephant in a room answering the phone, saying, “It’s the elephant.” Address the elephant and kick him out of the room.
Sandberg learned gratitude for every smile and hug and no longer takes every day for granted. When a friend told her he does not celebrate birthdays, she reminded him he was lucky to have each one.
Similarly, from Norman Cousins: Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
Mohegan Sun chief Bruce Two Dogs Bozsum on "Undercover Boss" admitted he can't get over his father's death after 25 years and still gets choked up.
Alfre Woodard was featured on "Who Do You Think You Are?" researching her ancestry and pouring libations for her deceased parents. This is a ritual for the dead.
Bob Baffert lost his father and mother not far apart from one another and during TV interviews he would play to them watching back home, pulling his son into the shot. Now, he is sad that there is nobody out there.
Dolly Parton thought she could die from her own grief over her baby brother, and felt all alone in a large family.
Those who have faced loss deal with empty beds. They recall the medicines, procedures, operations, doctors, hospitals or Hospice. They don't like cooking for one or seeing the favorite dress.
They may see pennies with special years and cars with the license plate one digit off of their loved one's. I read about someone who kept an old sock under the bed in a Ziploc to preserve her husband's smell, lined up all the gifts he gave her as a memorial display on her first birthday after his death, listened to his music that she didn't like and ate grilled cheese for a month. It was said that if you were happy, carefree and exuberant, that would be abnormal. Some people may think what she did is.
Journal what you miss, feel, see beauty in, have become, find difficult, wish your family knew, wish you could say, what you have learned, what you are thankful for, what you want to remember and forget, when you smile, what you pretend to do and your deepest desire. Make a list of a few states of mind, attitudes or commodities that your loved one would want for you to attain. Write, talk, think, paint, dance. You must express yourself.
Write yourself a letter like you would to a friend who is grieving, not that anyone does this anymore. How would you comfort and encourage him? Now substitute yourself for that friend. You are worthy of those words. Keep writing if necessary. Avoid thinking you are so strong or solid that you don't need help. Make appointments with yourself to do this if need be. If you don't want to do something, say you have to check your calendar even though it may be your "movie appointment."
One lady who had to say goodbye to her stillborn baby before barely saying hello wrote words to help other mothers in similar losses. She said healing crept in after she found ways that she could share her story.
It helps for grievers to receive condolence calls and letters that contain messages of encouragement, love and hope. People get so hurt when they don't receive acknowledgement in this day of easy contact--texts, Facebook and online obituaries. I'm still trying to not harbor a grudge regarding the professional, well-educated people who ignored me after my father died in 2005 and my mother in 2007 . Death and grief can cause us to re-write our address books in more ways than one.
I've read that one-third of people will turn out to be truly empathetic helpers. Another will be neutral in their response to your grief. And the final will be harmful in your efforts to heal. It may not be intentional, but they may judge your timeline or anhedonia.
Hopefully, the right people will come forth to help you reach resolution, recovery, reestablishment, reconstitution and reorganization on the grief journey.
In a beautiful devotional on pain during the holidays by a lady named Ellie, she says the first step should be to focus on the true meaning of Christmas. Christ IS the reason we celebrate and the one from whom we draw comfort, hope and healing. The second step is to recognize the days are going to be tough emotionally, physically and at times, spiritually. Be realistic in your expectations, and don’t fight the added emotions or burdens. Accept them, let them come, and undergird yourself with prayer and dependence on God.
She said Psalm 10:14 reminds us again of His desire to comfort us; “But You, O God, do see trouble and grief; You consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to You; You are the helper of the fatherless.”
God is going to deal with you exactly where you are and He will do it little by little, she wrote. You may not feel the differences, but they are happening because God promises He’s going to sustain you. He knows you inside and out—your struggles, your fears and your feelings.
Grieving people do not need to be fixed; they need prayers, hugs, kindness and compassion and a listening ear.
Other thoughts accumulated:
Read scriptures of comfort. Christians always have a reason to rejoice. Our hope is not in this world. I love the St. Paul's Episcopal Church funeral programs with artwork that says, "Transferred to the Church Triumphant."
Don't fake the tough outer shell.
Create a memorial garden.
Become an organ and tissue donor.
Make donations. One mother asked for money to be donated to a children's arts program in Treme because her son loved musical toys.
Light a fire in the barbecue pit and throw in reasons you are angry into the ashes.
Don't be stuck on the death date if you can help it.
Remember that your loved one has been untied, freed into eternal life. One of the Charleston church victim's relatives said everything he will do is because of his relative watching over him. After the Lafayette movie shooting, someone said, " If God had any sense, he would pick Jillian." Comments made during current events strike me. As do individual ones I see in various places. "My friend, I was in your shoes years ago. There is no doubt power in prayer, and the God we serve can and will deliver you. Trust and believe, and get ready to receive. In prayer I stand."
Appropriately, a friend's Morning Offering on the day of his brother-in-law's death was this inspirational quote. "If you suffer with Him, you will reign with Him. If you cry with Him, you will have joy with Him. If you die with Him on the cross of tribulation, you will possess the eternal dwelling place in the splendor of the saints. And your name, written in the book of life, will be glorious among men." — St. Clare of Assisi
Look around. Some action or statement will help you. You will catch your breath, regain your footing and new walk and forge your new identity.
You may be surprised by a wish you make in the bathtub for the soothing water to cleanse and absorb the loss, as one woman in Guideposts wrote. Her late mother loved the night, and then a comet appeared before her daughter that gave her joy and applause. Another woman wrote of seeing what had to be her late husband's hand on the bathroom mirror fog on the death anniversary and then his name on a boat on some pictures she took with her son.
Whether it's an airport gate or seat number, you may see some communication through numbers like 34, young Shreveporter George Cloutier's hockey number, said his father.
I'll end with this story from the Huffington Post. Finding a $20 bill at a Cracker Barrel in February 2014, 8-year-old Myles Eckert was reminded of a father killed weeks after he was born and gifted the bill to another customer, Lt. Col. Frank Dailey, with a hand-written note. "Dear Soldier -- my dad was a soldier. He's in heaven now. I found this 20 dollars in the parking lot when we got here. We like to pay it forward in my family. It's your lucky day! Thank you for your service. Myles Eckert, a gold star kid." Little did Myles know that his pay it forward gesture would ultimately touch millions of lives via reports in the media. Myles appeared on Ellen and visited with former President George W. Bush.
The loss is still palpable as he yearns for a father to nurture him, provide love and counsel, attend sporting events and enjoy decades of milestones together.
But in honor of their fallen hero, the Eckert family is now taking their humanitarian work to another level through their founding of the "Power of 20" non-profit organization. With the support of everyday citizens who have been moved by Myles' story, the Eckert family hopes to significantly expand their giving opportunities for charities and families facing obstacles nationwide. Most recently, they spearheaded an effort to provide a dying soldier his final wish of attending a Green Bay Packer playoff game. Only one week after his dream came to fruition, Sgt. Robert Monroy died from the cancer he acquired working the burn pits in Iraq.
Attending a funeral is challenging enough for most adults, but for a young boy who was thinking about the void left by his own father's passing, a funeral would be even tougher to bear. But Myles went. On their way home, he and his sister stopped for a pick-me-up ice cream sundae at the very same Cracker Barrel that inspired this unforeseen journey.
What will you do to help or honor those grieving? What's your 20?
DOES YOUR GRIEF FEEL LIKE A BROKEN ORNAMENT?
If you're grieving due to a recent loss, you may wonder how to get through the holidays and if mourning ever really ends. As time goes on, it will erupt less frequently. You can run from it, but you can't hide. And you shouldn't run from it.
Bono sang, “There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love.”
Grieving is a process, not an event, and there are no rewards for speed. Dose yourself in embracing the pain in this uncharted territory. You may go from acute to integrated or abiding grief (people think you are doing well), perhaps back to complicated grief (stuck in a black whirlpool). Someone said she was suspended in aspic and pushed along in a stream. It was as if someone had taken a can opener to her edges and rolled back her skin, exposing her insides to air and microbes and every other invasive thing. Her eyeballs and skin hurt when she went outside.
There will be a multitude of emotions, likely to come in waves. Grievers often use these words: Doleful. Debilitating. Lonely. Listless. Longing for what might have been. Raw. Gutted. Touchy. Bereft of hope. Heaviness. Heartache. Fear. Uncertainty. They say they have lost their cool, yelled, stomped, thrown up, thrown things, used a punching bag, drawn the blinds and wailed.
Grief doesn't come with a handbook. I've written this column for ten years and here is what I've learned from some well known names since last year's:
Sheryl Sandberg's childhood friend, who is now a rabbi, told her the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: “Let me not die while I am still alive.” Sandberg says you can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. She said she lived 30 years in 30 days. "I am 30 years sadder. I feel like I am 30 years wiser."
One colleague admitted she’d been driving by Sandberg's house frequently, not sure if she should come in. Another said he was paralyzed when Sandberg was around, worried he might say the wrong thing. One of her favorite cartoons is an elephant in a room answering the phone, saying, “It’s the elephant.” Address the elephant and kick him out of the room.
Sandberg learned gratitude for every smile and hug and no longer takes every day for granted. When a friend told her he does not celebrate birthdays, she reminded him he was lucky to have each one.
Similarly, from Norman Cousins: Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
Mohegan Sun chief Bruce Two Dogs Bozsum on "Undercover Boss" admitted he can't get over his father's death after 25 years and still gets choked up.
Alfre Woodard was featured on "Who Do You Think You Are?" researching her ancestry and pouring libations for her deceased parents. This is a ritual for the dead.
Bob Baffert lost his father and mother not far apart from one another and during TV interviews he would play to them watching back home, pulling his son into the shot. Now, he is sad that there is nobody out there.
Dolly Parton thought she could die from her own grief over her baby brother, and felt all alone in a large family.
Those who have faced loss deal with empty beds. They recall the medicines, procedures, operations, doctors, hospitals or Hospice. They don't like cooking for one or seeing the favorite dress.
They may see pennies with special years and cars with the license plate one digit off of their loved one's. I read about someone who kept an old sock under the bed in a Ziploc to preserve her husband's smell, lined up all the gifts he gave her as a memorial display on her first birthday after his death, listened to his music that she didn't like and ate grilled cheese for a month. It was said that if you were happy, carefree and exuberant, that would be abnormal. Some people may think what she did is.
Journal what you miss, feel, see beauty in, have become, find difficult, wish your family knew, wish you could say, what you have learned, what you are thankful for, what you want to remember and forget, when you smile, what you pretend to do and your deepest desire. Make a list of a few states of mind, attitudes or commodities that your loved one would want for you to attain. Write, talk, think, paint, dance. You must express yourself.
Write yourself a letter like you would to a friend who is grieving, not that anyone does this anymore. How would you comfort and encourage him? Now substitute yourself for that friend. You are worthy of those words. Keep writing if necessary. Avoid thinking you are so strong or solid that you don't need help. Make appointments with yourself to do this if need be. If you don't want to do something, say you have to check your calendar even though it may be your "movie appointment."
One lady who had to say goodbye to her stillborn baby before barely saying hello wrote words to help other mothers in similar losses. She said healing crept in after she found ways that she could share her story.
It helps for grievers to receive condolence calls and letters that contain messages of encouragement, love and hope. People get so hurt when they don't receive acknowledgement in this day of easy contact--texts, Facebook and online obituaries. I'm still trying to not harbor a grudge regarding the professional, well-educated people who ignored me after my father died in 2005 and my mother in 2007 . Death and grief can cause us to re-write our address books in more ways than one.
I've read that one-third of people will turn out to be truly empathetic helpers. Another will be neutral in their response to your grief. And the final will be harmful in your efforts to heal. It may not be intentional, but they may judge your timeline or anhedonia.
Hopefully, the right people will come forth to help you reach resolution, recovery, reestablishment, reconstitution and reorganization on the grief journey.
In a beautiful devotional on pain during the holidays by a lady named Ellie, she says the first step should be to focus on the true meaning of Christmas. Christ IS the reason we celebrate and the one from whom we draw comfort, hope and healing. The second step is to recognize the days are going to be tough emotionally, physically and at times, spiritually. Be realistic in your expectations, and don’t fight the added emotions or burdens. Accept them, let them come, and undergird yourself with prayer and dependence on God.
She said Psalm 10:14 reminds us again of His desire to comfort us; “But You, O God, do see trouble and grief; You consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to You; You are the helper of the fatherless.”
God is going to deal with you exactly where you are and He will do it little by little, she wrote. You may not feel the differences, but they are happening because God promises He’s going to sustain you. He knows you inside and out—your struggles, your fears and your feelings.
Grieving people do not need to be fixed; they need prayers, hugs, kindness and compassion and a listening ear.
Other thoughts accumulated:
Read scriptures of comfort. Christians always have a reason to rejoice. Our hope is not in this world. I love the St. Paul's Episcopal Church funeral programs with artwork that says, "Transferred to the Church Triumphant."
Don't fake the tough outer shell.
Create a memorial garden.
Become an organ and tissue donor.
Make donations. One mother asked for money to be donated to a children's arts program in Treme because her son loved musical toys.
Light a fire in the barbecue pit and throw in reasons you are angry into the ashes.
Don't be stuck on the death date if you can help it.
Remember that your loved one has been untied, freed into eternal life. One of the Charleston church victim's relatives said everything he will do is because of his relative watching over him. After the Lafayette movie shooting, someone said, " If God had any sense, he would pick Jillian." Comments made during current events strike me. As do individual ones I see in various places. "My friend, I was in your shoes years ago. There is no doubt power in prayer, and the God we serve can and will deliver you. Trust and believe, and get ready to receive. In prayer I stand."
Appropriately, a friend's Morning Offering on the day of his brother-in-law's death was this inspirational quote. "If you suffer with Him, you will reign with Him. If you cry with Him, you will have joy with Him. If you die with Him on the cross of tribulation, you will possess the eternal dwelling place in the splendor of the saints. And your name, written in the book of life, will be glorious among men." — St. Clare of Assisi
Look around. Some action or statement will help you. You will catch your breath, regain your footing and new walk and forge your new identity.
You may be surprised by a wish you make in the bathtub for the soothing water to cleanse and absorb the loss, as one woman in Guideposts wrote. Her late mother loved the night, and then a comet appeared before her daughter that gave her joy and applause. Another woman wrote of seeing what had to be her late husband's hand on the bathroom mirror fog on the death anniversary and then his name on a boat on some pictures she took with her son.
Whether it's an airport gate or seat number, you may see some communication through numbers like 34, young Shreveporter George Cloutier's hockey number, said his father.
I'll end with this story from the Huffington Post. Finding a $20 bill at a Cracker Barrel in February 2014, 8-year-old Myles Eckert was reminded of a father killed weeks after he was born and gifted the bill to another customer, Lt. Col. Frank Dailey, with a hand-written note. "Dear Soldier -- my dad was a soldier. He's in heaven now. I found this 20 dollars in the parking lot when we got here. We like to pay it forward in my family. It's your lucky day! Thank you for your service. Myles Eckert, a gold star kid." Little did Myles know that his pay it forward gesture would ultimately touch millions of lives via reports in the media. Myles appeared on Ellen and visited with former President George W. Bush.
The loss is still palpable as he yearns for a father to nurture him, provide love and counsel, attend sporting events and enjoy decades of milestones together.
But in honor of their fallen hero, the Eckert family is now taking their humanitarian work to another level through their founding of the "Power of 20" non-profit organization. With the support of everyday citizens who have been moved by Myles' story, the Eckert family hopes to significantly expand their giving opportunities for charities and families facing obstacles nationwide. Most recently, they spearheaded an effort to provide a dying soldier his final wish of attending a Green Bay Packer playoff game. Only one week after his dream came to fruition, Sgt. Robert Monroy died from the cancer he acquired working the burn pits in Iraq.
Attending a funeral is challenging enough for most adults, but for a young boy who was thinking about the void left by his own father's passing, a funeral would be even tougher to bear. But Myles went. On their way home, he and his sister stopped for a pick-me-up ice cream sundae at the very same Cracker Barrel that inspired this unforeseen journey.
What will you do to help or honor those grieving? What's your 20?
Friday, August 14, 2015
Arthur Blessitt Carries Cross to Every Country
First off, this guy has a cool name. I heard about him on
Joel Osteen. Arthur Blessitt, 74, has carried on foot a 12-foot cross for Jesus
to every country on earth since Dec. 25, 1969. Through wars, deserts,
jungles--over 41,323 miles. The Guinness Book of World Records lists this as
The World’s Longest Walk. This modern day pilgrim has faced a firing squad in
Nicaragua, was almost stoned in Morocco, attacked by police in Spain, almost
choked in Hollywood, survived a pistol attack in Florida and a man in Indiana
tried to burn the cross. He has been arrested 24 times, been through 54
countries at war, fasted 40 days, run for President of the United States from
1974 to 1976 and has walked with 70,000
people across Poland. Billy Graham has walked with him, Pope John Paul II has
welcomed him to Rome, Yasser Arafat has welcomed him to Beirut and he has slept
in Prime Minister Begin's house in Israel.
Arthur lives in Littleton, Colo. He still carries the cross on special crosswalks in the U. S. and around the world. He has no problems with his feet, legs or back and no pain anywhere. He has seven children and 11 grandchildren and one great-granddaughter. His children have shared in the crosswalks in many nations.
Longest walk in a day - 72 miles in 24 hours (with help); 47
miles (alone)
Most apt country to be arrested in - USA
Most angry toward the cross - Amsterdam, Holland and
Tetouan, Morocco
Greatest welcome to the cross - Papua New Guinea, Poland,
Spain, India, Lithuania, Kiribati, Solomon Islands, Vanuatu, Guatemala &
West Africa
Worst poverty - Chad; Mozambique, Djibouti, Ethiopia, India
and Bangladesh
Most beautiful views - Mount Kilimanjaro, Kenya/Tanzania;
Mount Cameroon, Africa; Mount of Olives facing Jerusalem; Sea of Galilee,
looking toward Mount Hermon; Mount Sinai; Norwegian Coastline; Antigua;
Guatemala; a Swiss valley with lake and mountains beyond Tierra del Fuego
(Chile); Penguins nesting in Antarctica; Icebergs in Greenland, and Bronzal
Pass in the Hindu Kush - Pakistan-Afghanistan
Most beautiful City - Jerusalem
A few historical places and moments with the cross -
Washington, D.C. 1970, 1980; Olympic Stadium, Berlin, Germany; the Coliseum in
Rome; The Pantheon in Athens, Greece; the pyramids of Egypt; Cebu City in the
Philippines at Magellan's Cross; carrying the cross across the Panama and Suez Canals;
the cross at the top of the world's biggest pyramid in Cholula, Mexico; October
31, 1987 Hollywood, CA completed the distance around the world at the equator
24,901.55 miles; China Wall and Red Square, Moscow; Cross above the walls of
Babylon; North Korea; Completed every nation and major island group June 13,
2008 Zanzibar in Indian Ocean; Cross carried back to Hollywood to Grauman's
Chinese Theatre for the premiere of the movie "The Cross"; Lifting
the cross up at second base at Yankee Stadium, New York in front of 40,000
people.
Highest mountain climbed with the cross - Mount Fuji, Japan
(12,388 ft) Bronzal Pass, Pakistan-Afghanistan border (18,200 ft - 5,547 M.)
Deepest into the earth cross carried - Carlsbad New Mexico
(850 feet)
Lowest point below sea level cross carried - Dead Sea (1,200
feet)
Worst cold weather - Golan Heights, Syria-Israel; Rome to
Assisi, Italy; Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada; Antarctica and Baltic Republics
Hottest temperature - Jordan Valley; Chad; Yemen, Iraq &
Djibouti (135 degrees plus)
Coldest temperature - 20 degrees below in Nova Scotia,
Canada
Worst food - Squid in ink in Spain, monkey leg in Africa,
rat soup in Belize. He has eaten iguana meat and eggs and fish eye balls.
Best food - Freshwater shrimp in El Salvador and fresh
salmon in Finland
Cross stolen - Christmas Day 1979, Assisi, Italy
Best road pets - El Salvador del Mundo (parrot), Central
America; Basco (rabbit), Spain; Belfast (dog), Northern Ireland; Loretta
(parrot) South Africa - USA; HRH Windsor (dog) U.S.
Biggest animal scares - Green Mamba snake in Ghana; baboon
attack in Kenya; elephant chase in Tanzania; crocodile attack in Zimbabwe
Number of people prayed for, blessed or saved at the Cross -
Many millions but only God knows
Worst jail - Concord, New Hampshire
Biggest crowd preached to: Half a million, Atlanta Rock
Festival, 1970; Washington for Jesus Rally, half a million, 1980
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