Favorite Miscellaneous Tweets 2019

 

Relax and count to zen. That’s a good ad.

 

#heresyoursign someone calling 911 because roommate stole weed

 

I’m cheap. But not enough so to try to get a coupon to be used twice with a line behind me when the cashier told her 10 times you can only use it once. One paper. One on the phone. No. One only. What about a different register? No. Just no. #kohls #tistheseason

 

DDS Why are you filming an extraction? Why are you on a hoverboard?

 

I did not know you could steal your neighbor’s electricity.

 

Heroic Preacher Interrupts 'Drag Queen Story Hour' with the word of Christ

 

If I had a check signed by Neil Armstrong, I wouldn’t cash it either.

 

How do you operate a drug ring from prison? Plain don’t understand.

 

Kevin Hines #BeHereTomorrowAndTheDayAfterThat He is one of only 36 (less than 1%) to survive the fall from the Golden Gate Bridge.

 

Now there are weed bouquets.

 

Starbarks cute name for coffee cup-shaped toy for dogs

 

'Laziness has won': apostrophe society admits its defeat

 

Worry is like believing in conspiracy theories about yourself.

 

Nobody cares about Arizona. Liberals and cacti.

 

A couple was pumping gas at a gas station. A 5-pound chihuahua somehow put the vehicle in reverse. The SUV rolled backwards, crossed over a 4-lane road and came to rest at the gas station across the street. Only minor injuries.

 

Calif. may stop ACT, SAT, contending they are biased against the poor.

 

Plumbers are very busy the day after Thanksgiving.

 

I think the #butterball hotline book said bast instead of baste.

 

2 beer cans. Morning route. School bus driver.

 

Woman killed by feral hogs. :(

 

Difference in lifetime earnings between someone who has a high school diploma vs. someone with bachelor's. $1,100,000.

 

A feminine hygiene products company is removing the symbol for female from its packaging in order to be more inclusive toward “transgender” and “non-binary” customers. Seriously. Make it stop.

 

Let’s get this trending. Three digits that can save a life. 988 for suicide prevention.

 

The Boston suicide encourager hired a PR firm.

 

Nursing home did not report maggots on wound on face of resident for weeks. Loser.

 

Mary Ann Thomas Van Do Sell. That’s a new one.

 

A Bucket of Hot Diarrhea Was Randomly Poured on a Woman by a Homeless Man

 

Boston, Austin, Philadelphia, Buffalo, New York and Columbus, Ohio, have hired chief diversity officers.

 

There’s a koala hospital?

 

Another day. Another dud.

 

Trees. Wreaths. Decorations. Just no. Stop. Thanksgiving first.

 

Lela has found a quarter. I tell David call someone who cares. @Travistritt

 

Lash lice ew

 

Epstein has become a verb. Epsteined.

 

I wonder how much an obit is in the @WSJ

 

How old is too old? Town bans teens over 16 from trick-or-treating.

 

Shame on the mother who stopped her 4 year old son’s cancer treatment and is on the lam.

 

#wheelchairfoundation sorry to hear of the passing of #KennethEugeneBehring read his book, one of my top charities. @wheelchairFDN

 

Genius: Seuss museum.

 

Southeast Asia is one of the most internet-addicted regions on the planet, with the Philippines topping the global list with an average 10 hours and 2 minutes of screen time every day.

 

A Teenager Needed a Tampon. When Her School Didn't Have One, She Called Her Legislator

 

I never know the difference between the two Jimmys.

 

Biological male wins women’s cycling world championship.

 

Talking was the most popular way to communicate via cellphone in the fall of 2012. 94% did so. Spring 2019, it’s least popular behind texting, emailing, social media and chat apps, with just 45% doing it the prior week.

 

The first documented song in the English language came from the mouth of an illiterate cow herder 1,300 years ago.

 

Mall had drag queen makeover to boost shoppers. Just no.

 

No sheepskin for Wabash College. The diplomas cost $28,000 to $32,000, depending on the size of the graduating class, which ranges from 175 to 200 graduates. The diplomas would cost around $160 a piece.

 

Female truckers up 68 percent since 2010. Avg. wage for heavy trucks is 43,680.

 

Tyler Perry while homeless would go to open houses to see where he wanted to live and go to car lots and sit in cars he wanted to drive. #positivethinking

 

I just threw up a little bit. Guinea pig ice cream is a thing. As is mushroom.

 

Happy National PA Week to the 131,000+ Certified PAs making a difference in the lives of 9.1 million patients each week! Thanks for ALL you do! #PAWeek2019 #PAsDoThat #PAWeek

 

Great headline. They've lost their minds in San Francisco

 

Missing #barqs falls out of car when my hands were loaded. Hits toe. Rolls all the way to another parking row. #lostandfound

 

Eating hot soup. Husband says: I thought you were smoking. NEVER

 

Wow. Talk pedometers. Can I cut some people off after a certain number of words?

 

When you still get mail for the prior deceased residents of your house 14 years later.

 

Who would buy a prisoner of war guillotine replica?

 

"Eating human flesh could save the planet" - Swedish university professor says

 

Cool 2 read about La. man whose name is among those 1972 astronauts microfilmed signatures and took to moon. If you look on a clear night, you can see my name up there, he said.

 

Marvel Announces First Openly Gay Superhero In Cinematic Universe

 

Why would anyone want a raspberry dresser and headboard? Even a kid.

 

Let a venomous spider into the wild after pulling it out of human ear? Squash it.

 

Tainted food bank candy?

 

Trying to find the story about men were 2.5 times more likely than women to wear the same underwear for a week or more. It was removed.

 

29 Dogs Died in a Kennel Fire

 

A dog Tommie was tied to a fence, doused with accelerant and then lit on fire. First responders were able to get to Tommie, put the fire out and get him to help. Unfortunately five days later Tommie’s injuries were just too much to handle and he passed away. #Sicko

 

1 Chanel No. 5 is sold every five minutes.

 

Canned wine is trending.

 

#timex really? It took a college educated woman and air condition repairman 10 minutes to set your alarm clock that went out with the electricity. Had to get out the manual.

 

Students Sign Petition To Ban ‘Oppressive’ White Stick Figure In ‘Walk’ Signals

 

New definition for wedding crasher: she steals the gifts.

 

I admire blind people. That is all.

 

They are making lab grown kangaroo to eat.

 

No thanks on zucchini, spinach or cauliflower ice cream.

 

When you eat figs, technically, you're also eating wasps. Figs are pollinated by female wasps, who lose their wings in the process of pollination. The wasp has no way to get out of the fig and so they die inside, and then the fig's enzymes breakdown and dissolve the wasp.

 

Falling cliff kills 3

 

For Goodness Bakes

 

WWII D-Day Vet Had No one to Carry Casket After He Died, Then 6 Teens Arrived in Uniform

 

526 teeth removed from Chennai boy’s mouth

 

45% of delivery drivers are eating from my order???

 

I would hope no transportation discriminates against people in wheelchairs.

 

Never thought about cruise ships not having female commanders. Now they will.

 

You can't miss something you never had. Don't ever try to smoke or do drugs, for example.

 

Judge orders chatty defendant's mouth taped for sentencing.

 

Andy Grammer named his daughter Louisiana. Wife family from there.

 

Media’s Moon Landing Reminiscences Drown Out 50th Anniversary of Chappaquiddick (prob on purpose among libs)

 

It’s not food if it arrived through the window of your car. Don't eat cereal that changes your milk color. Eat nothing from where you get your gas. From Pat Day on the radio this a.m.

 

There is a 666 Fifth Ave.

 

Always irked when someone is killed by a rock.

 

Whhhaaaaatt? Can’t say ladies and gentlemen on a subway? Didn’t catch whole story. They say, “Hello, everybody.”

 

I go through the lunch line. They ask if I want peach cobbler. I said I had some last night. She says, "I don't understand why that matters." Good point, I suppose.

 

Did Ilhan Omar Marry Her Brother?

 

#WSJ Hitchcock was right about angry birds. Winged attackers step up strafing runs on humans. Elementary school. Show and Tell. Baby bluebird in a net. Mother attacks me. Hole in head. Bleeding. Scared forever.

 

Nationwide, 1 of every 15 women in prison, nearly 7,000, is serving a life sentence or virtual life sentence. It is growing despite declining rates of violent crime among women. States with highest proportion: California, 1 in 4; La., 1 in 7; Ga., 1 in 8.

 

Bus drivers make $100 a day? And to read a book to a dog you can pay $10. Belly rubs are $4 for five minutes.

 

Only half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.

 

La has 1/10 of nation’s billboards. In 18, 7,000 accidents were caused by outside of the vehicle distractions, it is said.

 

Sad for any innocent person to be killed in a meth induced rage.

 

>80% of 4,563 Hospice centers that provide care 2 Medicare beneficiaries surveyed in US 2012-6 had at least 1 deficiency. Poor care planning, mismanagement of aide services, lack of supervision or training of staff, failure 2 get background, monitor meds, treat wounds, stop falls

 

Can't believe it's been three yrs since the Dallas police shootings. Just doesn't seem that long.

 

Disabled French man cried when he learned the government plans to starve him to death.

 

Charlottesville will no longer recognize Jefferson’s birthday.

 

#BobHope I have a wonderful makeup crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

 

Never understood the freshman 15. You walk a lot. Must be beer. Never had one. Still.

 

A Jim Beam warehouse filled with 40,000 barrels of bourbon caught fire.

 

Nobody looks like they are rushing to save the boy who fell off the train platform.

 

Some people go to jail trying to get their kid into college. Those who cross the border illegally may get free tuition.

 

Elbridge Gerry once proposed governors elect POTUS. Heck no.

 

The last two times I bought milk, I chose expiration dates special to me. Dad’s bday. My appi anniversary.

 

Man was dieting. He took different route to work away from usual bakery. Did well for a week. One morning he said if God wanted him to have sweets, he would leave a parking spot open. He did just that -- "on my eighth trip around the block." #temptation

 

Woman Who Married A 300-Year-Old Pirate Ghost Reveals They’re Splitting Up

 

Hundreds attend funeral services for Korean War veteran who had no known survivors

 

Saks sells a $49,500 alligator bag.

 

Facial recognition app aims to bring lost pets home 

 

Sperm donor meets his 19 kids for the first time What if they meet and fall in love unbeknownst?

 

Cool twin names #barnumandbailey

 

41% of Britons say the TV or a pet is their main source of company. They have a cabinet level minister to deal w rampant loneliness.

 

“Second lady Karen Pence returns to school that bars LGBTQ teachers and students”               Why can't she teach where she wants?

 

You Can Change The Color Of These Sneakers Instantly So You Wouldn't Wear The Same Shoes Twice

 

Clip-on man bun. Business in front, party in the back. #FastCompany

 

I saw 2:22 and 5:55. Glad there is not a 6:66 am.

 

First partner instead of First Lady. Oh, gosh, California. #SMH

 

Flight crew taken to Fort Lauderdale hospital after feeling ill on plane @abc why just the crew? Tell us it was not passengers too.

 

Fire in an escape room. :(

 

America's first "robot sex brothel"

 

Only 3 percent of parishes offer Braille missals.

 

I hope you dance Dad and daughter had that plan for her wedding. He got cancer and is in Hospice. They did it via wheelchair.

 

Moose enters hospital in Alaska.

 

Why do I have to google every single national news story? Not ever #tmi

 

Woman jailed for drunken driving was really suffering from a stroke

 

When @DavidMuir says tablet and you think electronic even when story is about the flu

 

They are banning an overused word I never heard of.

 

16 yr old to grad from high school and Harvard at same time.

 

I swam around the world for a race that lasted 49 seconds. Rowdy Gaines

 

Girl finds out roommate is dating married man and plays every cheating song when he comes over.